


Plans

by afrocurl



Category: Veronica Mars (TV), Veronica Mars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Inspired by Music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-24
Updated: 2007-03-24
Packaged: 2018-02-13 11:24:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2148948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afrocurl/pseuds/afrocurl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Epic much?  Logan and Veronica think about each other and their relationship through the years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Plans

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [](http://evie-oh.livejournal.com/profile)[**evie_oh**](http://evie-oh.livejournal.com/) for the beta. At this point all mistakes are my own. This is written for [](http://flinkkamingo3.livejournal.com/profile)[**flinkkamingo3**](http://flinkkamingo3.livejournal.com/) for the 2006 [](http://vm-santa.livejournal.com/profile)[**vm_santa**](http://vm-santa.livejournal.com/). I know this is late, but [](http://sarah-p.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://sarah-p.livejournal.com/)**sarah_p** only asked me to write this at the beginning of the month. I don't know if this is the type of angst you were looking for, but this is all I could get out of myself right now.

_So they may have a chance of finding a place_  
where they’re far more suited than here

“What’s the matter with you people, huh? What’s the matter with you?”

Looking at him blankly, as the tears rolled down his face, she was unable to reconcile this Logan with the one she knew just weeks before.

It had been six weeks since they stopped talking, after that night. It had only taken a few days for the entire town to rally around the Kane flag, leaving those outside the circle the pariahs.

Nothing had been easy since that night, and the look on his face in this moment reminded her of that. There were no more Saturday nights at an 09er party keeping an eye on him as he sulked when Lilly ditched him; no more days of watching him at lunch as he complained about the next Hollywood event he was being dragged to.

In their place, however, were sideways looks as she tried to hold her own in a school that was decidedly around the Kane flag. No one initiated conversations with her, yet everyone noticed her new lunch location—it didn’t matter that Duncan’s break up with her necessitated the move once Lilly’s head had been bashed in. He had a way to looking at her now, with cold eyes and a colder stare; long forgotten were the looks of happier times and fonder memories.

The mere fact that he even spoke to her struck her more than she would admit to anyone publicly. Every pair of eyes in the library saw the confrontation, and yet the room was still after he left the room. Darting out as soon as she could, she found her way to the car and her house. Still in boxes, there was little room to wallow, but she shouldn’t help thinking that life with Logan should never have been this hurtful and spiteful.

 

_I cannot pretend that I felt any regret  
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend_

She wasn’t upset with herself considering that she just accused him or murder. That was one way to end a relationship—nothing to really go back on at that point. It was over just as quickly as it started, she thought, while she walked back from the beach to the apartment.

In the end, she realized that Logan’s done some pretty idiotic stuff when it came to her in the past, but the fact that he lied about the GHB was probably the biggest disappointment to her. He’d been so honest about what happened between them, and then this one fact sent her head spinning on what happened that very hazy December night. Was there something else he was still withholding from that night? Where there other issues that no one had mentioned earlier for her “protection”?

There was so much trust in these last few weeks, and when she thought about it, she just threw it away for the sake of avenging Lilly’s death. He’d done nothing but bend over backwards for her, and then she’d gone back on all of it.

If she had to be honest, trust was something she still had problems adjusting to in other people. Too much had happened to keep her heart on her sleeve when someone needed her to.

In the name of her sanity, though, she continued to walk home and away from the boy who had been the source of so many different emotions in her these last eighteen months.

 

_So who's going to watch you die?.._

The sudden knock jolted her out of the continued pensive thoughts that have captivated her brain all night.

_Will Dad be ok? Will Aaron rot in hell for what he did to Lilly? How is Abel going to handle the news?_

Those questions quickly faded from her thought process, and then completely left the apartment when she found him bruised and battered outside. He was trying to stand tall, but it pained her to see him like that.

That pain didn’t leave as she tended to the large bruise that was forming by his eye, and the pain actually lodged deep in her stomach as she talked about her night.

She can tell he didn’t take the break-up well, but she was choosing not to focus on that part of the equation as he was mumbling stories about the PCHers who beat him up and the fact that Felix was dead and how he had to get away before the Sheriff’s department found him.

The next knock on the door forced her to imagine what really did happen to him on the bridge as she left him still beaten on the couch. Did he really want to die after everything she’d done to him? If so, why did he run to her tonight?

Was she all he had left? Murdering fathers don’t count, and neither do sisters who only ask for help getting rid of creepy abusive boyfriends, she thought in those few moments between the couch and the door.

Leo stood on the other side of the door saying that he needed to take Logan down to the station after the bridge incident.

As Logan left with Leo, she can’t help but think that he was just dying more today on the inside.

 

_And we left our love in our summer skin_

He constantly saw her around campus with Duncan, looking at if she owned all of Neptune High. She was all smiles and light, playing as if this year wasn’t starting off the wrong way (which it totally was, if anyone asked him about it.)

There wasn’t a look in her eyes that he knew was reserved for him, though. That faded as the days grow shorter and summer waned into autumn.

Before he sought revenge, the summer had been good to them, relatively. There were memories they would have liked to see fall away—a trial and an ailing father—but there were others that he held onto for dear life.

Making out in his car, or the lazy days at the beach or by his pool filled his thoughts as he sat at a table looking at her talking to Wallace. Looks can be deceiving, and he was sure that Wallace wasn’t buying this “new” Veronica—the one that appeared after a night of smashed lamps and a subsequent visit from Duncan.

Forlorn glances at her didn’t help him, and so he left school early in search of a better distraction—anything to help erase the dull ache that rests in his chest every time he saw her.

 

_Cause you can't find nothing at all,  
If there was nothing there all along._

She broke away first, and he was left with that same ache deep in his stomach that _something_ has changed tonight.

If he really had to think about it, her rescue was sweet, and decidedly not like her for the year. _Maybe Duncan leaving did soften her heart?_ If she had had her usual façade on, leaving him with Gia was the best thing she could have done, but instead she flew in and offered an escape.

The ride back to the Grand was quiet for him, as usual, and the suite was just as empty as it ever was. Thoughts of whatever her motives ran through his head, and he can’t get the feel of her waist off of his hands, despite his repeated efforts to clench and unclench the feeling out of them.

He missed the feel of her around him that wasn’t laced with bitterness, and for once, he wanted more of that sort of comfort. Not that he needed comfort from _her_ , but Hannah’s departure was harder to take than he imagined.

The thoughts in his head didn’t provide any solace to the situation he found himself in, and so he turned to the demolition the next day. Blowing an entire stadium up was less difficult to think about than Veronica Mars.

 

_If I could open my arms  
And span the length of the isle of Manhattan_

He looked at her small wave and wanted nothing more than to join her on the flight. Ostensibly, however, he knew that wasn’t an option. Keith needed the time with Veronica, Logan knew, but it didn’t stop him from still wanting to show her around the city.

Memories of days walking around MoMa with his mom took over as he pulled away from the curb of the airport and started back towards Neptune. She’d love to look around the museum, he thought, even if it would have bored him after an hour or so.

Nights on the town, a boat ride in Central Park….

He stopped the thought before it took over the rest of his mind. He didn’t need to think about that when she was going to be gone for two weeks.

He settled for thoughts of how to avoid the media in the wake of Aaron’s death and grimaced as he rode back to Neptune.

 

_The boundaries of language I quietly cursed  
And all the different names for the same thing_

Alone in her apartment, she started to replay the fight, or maybe it was just a heated conversation she’d had with Logan (depending on how she looked at it, really.)

He loved her, she definitely knew that at this point. But how well had she shown him that she felt the same? The “Yeah” she murmured after his declaration hadn’t done anything to prove how much she did love him.

Being honest with herself as she sat in her room, she knew that between Duncan, Lilly and Lianne, it was going to be really hard to express how much she loved Logan. She’d been broken too many times before to effectively communicate to anyone beside her dad how much she loved anyone—disappointment clouded her judgment about anyone who found a way to her heart.

If she thought about it more, she even had difficulty trying to tell her dad how much she loved him. She’d wept for him after Cassidy blew up Woody’s plane, cried into Logan’s chest, laid in his arms as she broke down. Waking up the next morning, she cried again, and then when Keith walked in the room, she’d been unable to express anything other than physical joy that her father was alive.

Trying to cry later as he gave her time to compose herself was fruitless and instead, she spent the night waiting for the flood to come. It never did.

The next morning came as if nothing had happened the day before.

In this moment, though, she thought that it was that day in June that redefined how she tried to emote. It hadn’t been successful because she was sure that Logan didn’t know how much she really did love him.

When she looked at his call the next day, she didn’t have a clear cut way to articulate what she felt, and so she just ignored him. In her mind, a half-assed explanation wasn’t going to solve their issues.

 

_You may tire of me as our December sun is setting because I'm not who I used to be_

He never thought he’d change so much, but then he realized that he hadn’t really changed—she had.

When he first met her, she was athletic, knee socks and short shorts. Then she was pink and sugary and attached to Duncan.

Of course, after the break up, she was just Lilly’s right hand woman, and then Lilly died and Veronica became the bane of his existence.

Then again, he knew that she never tolerated change, and so when he hung out with someone other than Dick it was a sign of the evil that still resided in him. He thought that her tirade against Mercer was an indictment of his actions against her after Lilly.

To her, Logan won’t be perfect, and for that reason he broke up with her. It hurt him as much as he knew it was hurting her, but the pressure to be the same guy he was at twelve or even seventeen was impossible—too much had happened in between.

Expectations were the bane of his existence, and he made a break to keep Veronica’s need for him to be perfect from driving them apart later.

As he walked back to the Range Rover and drove to the Grand, he felt a sense of relief at being free from yet another potential heartbreak—she was the only one left and there was no way he was going to loose her forever. He still had her in his life, and for that he was glad.

 

_And start new when your heart is an empty room  
With walls of the deepest blue_

She looked around the room, trying to memorize the subtle changes in six weeks that _might_ have taken place. It didn’t work, and instead she focused on what brought her back to him in the first place.

Objectively, it was that conversation with Piz about knowing what’s good and what wasn’t, but something else kicked her brain, nagging at her. She had been miserable after the break up, and everyone saw it, except her—she stood behind her steely mask and held her head high. The awkward glances from Mac and Wallace didn’t faze her most of the time. That was only her first reaction to pain: avoidance. She’d perfected the art of ignoring stares long ago, before she met either of them. _Pretend that what your friends saw in you wasn’t there and you’ll be fine._

Without saying anything to him, though, she had opened up about everything that those six weeks had meant to her. The time to ponder what about him she missed; time to examine why what he had said to her. Passion, of course, prevented any of those musings from being verbalized to him, and instead she was left wrapped around his arms, trying to figure out how her brain prevented her from talking about anything first.

She was giving in to her heart as it told her that after all of his reasons, there was still something in her heart for him. She had pushed passed Duncan, Troy and Leo, leaving herself open, she hoped, to him this time around.

Those six weeks had given her the time to understand how much he meant to her, and she smiled, as those long weeks seemed to pay off. Logan’s warmth stood as the only sign that she could change this time around.

 

_The gift of memory is an awful curse_

Desire to clear the mental image from her mind plagued her still. Bodies thrusting ran circles around her dreams, yet nothing else about him remained. Gone were the memories of spontaneous kisses or declarations of love, only to be replaced by something she desperately wanted to forget.

Of course, it didn’t matter that she’d been unable to think of anything else for the last few days—it just kept playing on a loop. Worse than late night infomercials, the Logan/Madison tape wasn’t easy to turn off with the flip of a switch; it burned its way deep into her psyche and remained constant.

In some passing moments when the vision faded, she longed to remember that moment before when she quickly kissed him and the rush of passion that followed. Other times, she missed some of the quieter summer days when life was _relatively_ easy, and still more when she wanted to think about how much she had joked with him about the disappearance of the pink princess.

Too bad her brain couldn’t remember enough of each moment she longed for and all she was left with was the memory she wished to leave forever.

 

_"Son fear is the heart of love"  
So I never went back_

Tacit approval was better than nothing at all, and so with that awkward conversation out of the way, Logan managed to ask Parker out to a movie later that week.

He had to admit that the fact that he even asked Veronica about the situation was a shock to his system, but he couldn’t keep looking at Parker’s hurt expression after her failed conversation with Veronica reply in his mind’s eye.

Moving on was the name of the game after all, and if Heather had taught him anything in that weekend, it was that sulking over Veronica wasn’t good for anyone he knew.

Feeling proud of taking the next step, he smiled as he left the food court for his car.

He slowly knocked on Parker’s door days later, and looked at yet another blonde smiling in front of him.

_Jump in. Let go. Give up. Wait for_ her _to come back to you. Look at the options around you. Nothing will change if you don’t make it so._

 


End file.
